Girls Can Be Mean: A Message for My Daughter

(photo courtesy of Rolf Loken Photography)

I saw it written all over your face as you got off the bus. You could barely make it down the steps before you burst into tears.

“My friends didn’t want to play with me today! And they told everyone else not to play with me either!”

My heart sank as I wrapped you in a hug. My precious girl was the victim of bullying.

It wasn’t like you to not want to go to school. And it was not normal to see you without a smile on your face, or a sparkle in your eyes. But that had been going on for a while.

So, a couple of times, I hung back and watched you go into school, watching to see if I could spot the bully. I surprised you by picking you up instead of having you ride the bus, for the same reason. Then one day, I saw her. I saw her do it to you. I watched as she stepped in front of you while you were talking to a group of friends and tried to lure them away with some trick for a better game. She wasn’t subtle. Then she turned and saw me. And she backed off. I thought that would do the trick.

I was wrong.

(photo courtesy of Rolf Loken Photography)

Your smile returned for a little while. You didn’t complain about school and you wanted to invite everyone in your class over because you loved them all so much! That’s my girl. Always smiling. Always with a welcoming heart.

Then the bully recruited help. She had a little team. Who knew that kindergartners could be so manipulative?!

I know it doesn’t happen every day. And I know that everyone has a bad day. So I try to really listen to you as you tell me about it even though it breaks my heart. There were days you ‘d come home talking about who you played with and who you didn’t. You would mention who the bully had “recruited”. For a while it was really hard on you.

I think you listen to me too. I have told you to walk away. I have encouraged you to play with other friends who are being nice. I’ve even spoken to the teacher. Then other parents heard about it. And they told their daughters to be your friend and stand up to the bully, just as I told you. I told you that you would know who your real friends were. They would show themselves.

But here’s the toughest thing I told you to do: Be the nice girl.

I know it’s hard to understand. Don’t be mean in return. If you are mean, I’ll know you are stooping to their level. You are not a bully. You are amazing! You are kind, intelligent, polite and bold. You are full of energy and positivity. Never let anyone steal your spark!

(photo courtesy of Emilie Smith Photography)

Then the day came when you leaped off the bus and ran up to me with a huge smile on your face.

“I told her that she couldn’t speak to me that way any more! And guess what! She apologized! Can she come over and play?” you exclaimed as you bounced from foot to foot, unable to contain your excitement.

That’s my girl. Brave, strong and always with a welcoming heart.

Don’t ever let anyone steal your spark!

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